But really, I was more perplexed than anything. “Oh, thanks,” I muttered as I returned to my bicep curl.
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“Hey, that’s a heavy weight - you’re making great progress! … Hey, looking good! … Hey, I’m keeping my eye on you!” I didn’t know how to respond so am afraid I came across as dismissive. At first, it startled me, the somewhat blatant commenting on my body at the gym, such as a middle-aged woman’s frank interest. Other people seem okay with it too, or at least I surmise as such from the uptick in interest I’m experiencing. I’m not done yet, I tell my body - keep moving. I exercise to keep myself flexible, for, as we age, the body tightens, the joints wanting to solidify. Instead, I will always be something of a bear (a larger hairy gay man, for those not in the know). I will never have a slim figure my teen twink days are long gone, and I won’t do what it takes to get them back, no matter how over-valued such a body type is among some gay men. And I go to the gym regularly, but not because one of my closest gay friends, another middle-aged gay guy, says I should. But I’ve held my own, now married with my partner of over 20 years. I do not recognize myself in our glossy magazines or on the television shows that desperately pitch gay stereotypes, however gorgeous, to a public looking for decorating tips. I am not, given the particular standards and values of the gay community, a looker. My head is large, my ears protrude, my eyes cross, and my paunch wages a constant battle with my inner thin man for control of my somatic psyche. I have been a very unconventional looking gay man for the majority of my life. Yes, an unusual experience, for many reasons. (But perhaps he protests too much, you might think.
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I have found the experience largely amusing, perhaps even a bit unsettling.
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MY MIDDLE AGE has been full of surprises for me, not the least of which has been unexpectedly becoming the object of some sexual interest.